And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
