so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
