woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
