I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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