If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Found the puke drawer
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
