i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
