The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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