your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
