Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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