Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
