After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
