Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
