You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
