i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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