you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
