the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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