Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
