sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
