The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
