I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
ttyl tear gas
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
did i just pee glitter
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
