I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
