How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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