I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
