thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sorry my hands just texted you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
