but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
