JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
