I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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