Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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