im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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