We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
