Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
