So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
