i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
