No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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