I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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