I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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