i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
