whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
