I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I skipped work to stalk him.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
