this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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