apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I supernannyed him into submission
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
