Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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