I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
