dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
