ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
