Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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