My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
