2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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