I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
