$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
