Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
