she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
